Recently I had a conversation regarding the fact that I had gotten a divorce. The person, not knowing the whole scenario, said how sorry they were that I had gotten a divorce. This apologetic statement surprised me because I had not had to explain to anyone in quite some time that I was divorced.
I had forgotten how many, many people view something like divorce as a soul-crushing-you-are-now-going-to-hell-event. However, for me it isn’t sad or terrible or horrifying. What led up to it was far more excruciating than the actual event of the divorce.
I am happily, unapologetically D I V O R C E D! And my life is now more A M A Z I N G than I ever thought possible!
There are times when I think I shouldn’t focus on this issue or topic… EXCEPT.
Let’s talk about the exception!
The exception applies when you are living in a hell of a marriage where are you devalued, put down psychologically battered and financially exploited. The exception applies when monogamy is thrown down the stairs. The exception applies if you are physically abused. The exception applies if you or your kids are in danger of being abused or demanded. This is by no means an exhaustive list of exceptions, but a general idea of what things I think fit in the exception criteria.
What I decided is that I have to focus on the topic of divorce sometimes, partly because it’s part of my story. Partly because there are other people going through the exact same b.s. that I did just a few short years ago. Also, because no one should have to feel like they are a pariah because they took the life-saving measure of getting out of an abusive marriage.
What I offer is that there are times when a D I V O R C E is necessary, healthy and life affirming. There are times when you MUST take that drastic action to save your own life, mind and sanity. This also by the way; applies to both men & women who may need to take drastic action to escape a sad and scary situation.
Although I personally did not have the hard task of children and divorce, I know many people who have had that part of the puzzle to deal with. Certainly this makes things so much more challenging!
Remember that the kids are learning from you about what is acceptable in a marriage and in a relationship. What are you teaching them if you stay in an abusive situation? What are you teaching them if you decide you must leave? They are watching, they are smart and most likely they know exactly what is really going on.
If you are facing a difficult decision around relationships, please know that you are not alone.
Sometimes we must make the difficult choice that others may not agree with in order to save our own lives.
That is also why divorce must always be an option.