For many years I worried, stressed and had anxiety about visiting the place where I grew up. The messiness, the vehicles parked catawampus, packed full of stuff. Trying to be “normal” to make up for the not normal that at grew up with.
This trip however, I packed up my camping & travel stuff to include my weed eater, extension cord, cooler, tote of supplies and some clothes. “Going to visit” isn’t exactly the piece of cake it sounds like. I stay in my camper specifically parked on the property so that I have somewhere to stay when I visit. The door is kept locked when I am not there so that stuff will not be crammed into it in my absence.
Somehow this trip was simpler, easier than any previous trip I have made in the past couple of years. Part of it is the mindset work around stepping into my power, owning ALL OF ME. All parts of the past, the present and the future coming together to represent who I truly am as of this moment.
On the drive home I usually feel self-conscious. Perhaps someone will think I am a fraud since I have so much crap packed into my own vehicle!
But this is what it’s like to be the #AKOPTH (Adult Kid of Parents That Hoard).
You cannot pull into the driveway and take your suitcase up to your old room. You cannot cook in the kitchen or sit down in the living room like you would in other people’s homes. In fact, visiting your parents can be like visiting a parallel universe. One in which “normal” is completely not a word that applies. In general I take my own living supplies for the visit, thus the packed vehicle is the norm.
So this time on my drive home I consciously decide that I WILL NOT GIVE A F**K what anyone thinks.
That I will drive and smile as the ferry attendant tells me which lane to get into. I see a gentleman drop something as he gets into his car. I get out of my packed car and say, “Excuse me sir, I noticed this fell when you got into your car,” and hand him the receipt that had fallen from his pocket. He thanks me and in that moment I know I am right to just be me. Be human and aware and kind, no matter what. I also take pictures of my packed car, already percolating on how I will turn my decision of “not caring” into a blog post to share.
What I know about being an #AKOPTH is that we have to learn to care for ourselves, we have learn to love ourselves and we do not have to accept feeling less than.
We didn’t create our parents mess and we cannot in the long run fix it either. So today I raise my glass of sweet tea to those of us who are on the journey of learning to let go of what we cannot change. Sometimes we just have to say, “Zero F**ks Given Baby! Zero F**ks.”
Keep Going Darlings,
P.S. Are you struggling to establish your personal value? Please join us in Extreme Self Worth!
P.P.S. Could you use some connection & support with other #AKOPTH’s? Please join us in Clarifying & Peaceful Path!