We are not responsible for our parents that hoard, nor their behavior. As the Adult Kid of Parents That Hoard – #AKOPTH, we are frequently called upon to address the issue because other people don’t know what to do or how to intervene.
I know the call comes because of the societal expectation that the child is supposed to care for their parent.
After all we wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for our parents, right?
Hoarding, however is a mental health situation. It is extremely unfair to expect a person without formal training or education to step in and solve a problem that even the professionals cannot get a handle on.
The first thing I suggest to my clients is to evaluate where they are at personally.Tammi moses – chief encouragement officer @ the hoarding solution
Questions to ask yourself if you are called upon to assist with your parent that hoards:
-How much emotional energy do you have to deal with this situation at this moment?
-How much money do you have to devote to assisting your hoarding parent?
-What is happening in your own family that will either prevent or allow you to engage and assist?
Consider if you are willing to help:
-Even if you are in a position to help should you?
-What part of your family life are you willing to sacrifice for your parent that hoards?
-How will assisting them impact your personal family relationships with your spouse, children or other important people in your life?
Determine at what level you are willing to help:
-What is the level of energy you have to assist?
-What are your personal boundaries around helping? Time limits? Required outcomes to continue helping?
-What else can you do to help, but actually not enter the hoard or do the actual physical labor?
Find resources and share them:
-Remember: you are not required to step in and solve everything!
-Call other entities that can help your parent out.
-Call a cleaning service or junk hauling place to deal with the hoarded space.
-Have a port a potty delivered to the property if the toilet isn’t working.
Although there is a societal expectation that we will step in, its simply an unfair expectation and can have legal ramifications that we may not at first consider.
If someone drinks too much, we are not expected to “make them stop.” If someone abuses drugs again we are not expected to make them stop.
However for some reason in hoarding situations, there is an expectation that the adult kid can actually get their parent to stop hoarding, which is completely erroneous.
If you are struggling with a parent that hoards and if you are unsure how to proceed, we can help you keep your sanity & develop a plan.
Let’s connect, you don’t have to do it by yourself!
Tammi Moses is the founder and Chief Encouragement Officer of the company Homes Are For Living, LLC dba The Hoarding Solution. This business is proudly Veteran Woman Owned & Operated. We offer virtual consultations, workshops and training on the issue of hoarding.
Tammi believes in empowering & inspiring others to take their adversity and use it for the benefit of others. She is the voice of #AKOPTH-Adult Kids of Parents That Hoard. She is also a voice & advocate for #YLITH – Youth Living in The Hoard. You can connect with Tammi in various ways: Email directly or connect on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.