When we are faced with the challenge of hoarding issues with our parents in particular, it is vital for our own health and well-being to establish boundaries.
A few boundaries or questions to consider when we create boundaries are:
~ Where will you stay when you go for a visit?
~ What and where will you eat during this visit?
~ How long can you or do you want to stay?
~ How long can you tolerate certain behaviors within your visit? For example excessive talking bad-mouthing your personal choice or bringing your ex up repeatedly.
~ If you are asked to help clean or haul stuff are you willing to do that?
At one point I was asked to haul cats in my car to the vet. I didn’t choose to do this because I didn’t want the hoard smell taking over my car. Nor did I want the risk of any fleas getting in my car or bringing that home to my own pets.
Because many folks who hoard don’t see or think they have a problem; it’s important for us who do see the problem to be very aware and conscientious about our own boundaries within those situations.
Being aware of & enforcing our personal boundaries can help us, IF we still want to help.
If we can do so within our own limits; it’s less likely we will resent the time and effort we do spend helping them out.
Consider what you are willing to do ahead of time as well as write out some responses ahead of time.
If you have never dealt with hoarding this may seem a bit excessive. However, if you have ever been in a hoarded space you know that it can be overwhelming. This can increase anxiety to the point where you cannot think well or respond rationally.
A little preparation can go a long way in keeping your own anxiety at bay when you are stepping into a hoarded situation.
If you are a loved one are struggling with a hoarding situation, please know we are here to help.
Tammi Moses is the founder and Chief Encouragement Officer of Homes Are For Living, LLC dba The Hoarding Solution which is a Veteran Woman Owned & Operated business located in Oak Harbor, WA.
Tammi provides virtual consultations, on-site assessments and workshops on the issue of hoarding. She believes in inspiring others to take their adversity and use it for the greater good. She is the voice of #AKOPTH-Adult Kids of Parents That Hoard. She is also a voice & advocate for #YLITH – Youth Living in The Hoard. You can connect with Tammi at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Facebook & Instagram @TheHoardingSolution.